A couple of decades ago I existed in the world in a very different way. My life was a series of reactions and responses, coping mechanisms and patterns that were not just unhealthy but also dangerous. My mind wasn’t a kind place, and my relationship to myself was one of judgement and perpetual not-enough-ness. The trajectory of living the way I was, wasn’t sustainable and it reached a critical point.
I stumbled into meditation by accident. The story of how I fumbled and crashed into this world has been told many times in my course and classes. I was fortunate enough to live in Los Angeles at the time and a chain of events led me to finding my way out of the messes I’d made with the guidance of some incredible teachers, and the consistent application of ancient traditions, practices and philosophies that have supported millions over the aeons – yoga, meditation, breathwork and the codes of conduct and ways of being that support these practices.
I studied, I practiced, I dove deep and I started to change. For the first time in my life I understood how our inner landscape creates our outer reality. All of this study and introspection was happening at the same time I was going through some very painful personal growth - a divorce, resetting my relationship with alcohol, a huge career shift all whilst navigating this by myself in L.A. The ancient tools/science/disciplines of yoga and meditation started to reveal confusing parts of myself and at the same time offer ways to integrate and understand these parts. I began to be the designer of my life.
I had found commitment to a daily, physical yoga practice pretty straightforward as the mind/body benefits were instantly palpable – endorphins and the profound peace I would almost always feel after time on my mat, made it easy to stay committed. However, seated, still meditation practice was a bit trickier for me to commit and maintain at first…the benefits less tangible, not as instant and often I would feel frustrated, agitated and overwhelmed - just from sitting doing nothing it seemed. However, I continued to look to the teachers around me, years and years ahead of me on this path and saw how they lived and showed up in the world. I hung in there, something intangible pulled me along, a quiet voice encouraging me to stay the course. Over there years I continued to commit to courses, workshops, to study and learn and of course, practice.
Some of the notable moments in this evolution have been discovering and applying Michael Brown’s work through The Presence Process, studying Vedic Meditation, assisting meditation teacher Light Watkins, a year of intensive study with Dr. Gabor Mate in Compassionate Inquiry and ongoing work with Dr. Graham Mead.
I now train teachers in Awareness Insight Meditation and regular run courses and workshops in the areas of Awareness, Unconscious Conditioning, reforming habits and understanding our coping mechanisms. I’m also the Founder of The School of Modern Meditation — a comprehensive online and in-person meditation school based in Auckland, New Zealand.
Teacher, writer, speaker, mama, business owner….
I now teach what I practice Awareness Insight Meditation. A simple, straightforward practice in which we sit for 20 minutes twice a day. I teach from my own personal experiences taken from my non-negotiable practice. I teach from the heart, in a way that I hope, demystifies meditation and makes it understandable and accessible for all. My practice is the foundation of my life.
Over the years I have meditated through deaths, births, solo-parenthood, illness, breakups, a world-wide pandemic. I have practiced whilst navigating new jobs, new relationships, motherhood, financial uncertainty, moving houses and countries. I have sat in stillness in some of the most beautiful places on the earth and in public toilets. I meditate alone and in big groups, on retreats and with my students. My practice and life are inextricably intertwined - meditation isn’t something that I ‘do’, but part of me.
My practice continues to open me where once I was closed, to teach me patience, acceptance and illuminate the parts that I unconsciously hid/hide. It’s helped me remember who I am and perpetually reveals the magic of the world. It’s helped me become more present, joyful, courageous and comfortable in my own skin. Most of all I no longer abandon myself and remain present when life gets tricky or painful.
I am pulled to teach this practice and continue learning about it in a way that I can’t describe.
Join me and the SOMM (School of Modern Meditation) teachers over at www.wearesomm.co
Claire xxx
